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And as our hope dissolves, we'll twist that knife again [entries|friends|calendar]

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1038 [16 Nov 2010|10:39am]
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712 [11 Nov 2010|07:14pm]

Drag my cares away/carry off my griefs
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[11 Nov 2010|05:04pm]
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954 [10 Nov 2010|09:54pm]
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224 [10 Nov 2010|02:25am]
As music is so often better describing my moods than my meager vocabulary allows, mayhaps making this a musical journal of sorts is the right way to go. I'll add my own touches if the need arises, of course, but I'm perfectly with letting the music speak for me.

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Wow. [01 Oct 2010|11:44pm]
Dani Filth shouldn't be able to release music under the Cradle of Filth moniker any longer. The band that put out "Cruelty and the Beast" [admittedly, an album that's near and dear to me] no longer exists.

Dani's glittery. Like, pole dancer glittery. And he decided he wants to sing. My mind-- it is blown.

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Teeth [26 Sep 2010|08:59pm]
So, there was this house-- a house not unlike the one featured in House of Leaves whose inner proportions didn't seem to match the outer ones. I can't recall how I came to be in that house or if it was even mine. However, there I was, touring the place, a freshly made whiskey sour in my hand. After venturing through room after impossibly large room, I came upon a study that had the most magnificent black and white tiled floor that I had ever seen. It also had the convenient feature of a gaping hole that appeared to lead directly to Hell right in the middle of the room. Mouth agape, I slumped into an incredibly high-backed wing chair and just studied it. I sat there for hours, transfixed. Eventually, I worked up the nerve to pull the chair closer to the edge of the chasm, hoping that somehow proximity would provide an answer to the whys and hows floating about my brain. Those answers never came, but sitting closer did provide more details about the gaping maw itself. Its walls were lined, every three feet or so and in a spiral pattern, with teeth; molars, to be precise. Even the walls themselves resembled the color and texture of gums; unhealthy gums. Suddenly, I was flush with curiosity and knew that I must touch it. I sat aside my drink, the ice having melted long ago, and crawled out of my chair. It took what seemed like ages to crawl the several feet separating the chair and the abyss, but eventually I was able to extend a hand over it; then, an elbow; and then, finally, my entire arm. I didn't dare reach my head over, for that would've been too foolhardy. As my hand inched closer to where I knew the wall must begin, I felt the sting of sweat as it passed into my eyes. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" I said, unsure if it was to me or to the chasm, and clapped my hand against the lining.

And the lining pushed back.

It was subtle, like that of someone shifting during sleep, but it was noticeable. I scrambled back quickly, knocking over both the chair and my drink. My heart was racing to the point that I thought I may die right there on that floor. I braced myself for whatever the chasm may send after me. But, nothing came. No demons or spirits, no chains to pull me down into one of Dante's circles. Eventually, I was able to crack a nervous smile. After the post-adrenaline, Jell-O-legged feeling subsided, I got to my feet. I didn't replace the chair or clean up the whiskey-- that could wait until tomorrow. I turned and made my way to the door, exhausted and craving my bed. Before I left, however, I noticed a peculiar sensation in my mouth, one of rattling. I probed around with my fingers until I found the source-- a loose incisor. With very little effort, the tooth came out, wholly intact. My hands began to shake as I felt the sensation again, this time from a canine tooth. As I stared wild-eyed at the two teeth in my hand, I heard a sound that couldn't have actually been a sound, a sound that could only be described as release. I dropped to my knees and spat; there, upon one of the brilliant white tiles of the hall, floating in a small pool of blood, were dozens and dozens of other teeth, teeth that could not have possibly been mine. I collapsed onto my side... and woke up.

I have no fucking where this monstrosity of a dream came from, but there you go. Yes, I do still have all of my teeth. When I woke up, the very first thing I did was bite down as hard as I could. My tongue was not happy about this, but I was quite relieved to know that all of my pearlies were still in place.
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For all I ever wanted is all you ever flaunted [26 Sep 2010|02:15am]
[ mood | Lost ]

When I breathe, the heavens can't hold me and I can't believe anymore
The light breathes the highest execution, show me the wings I must cut

When I turn the dial and leave the gas on, I'm the matchstick that you'll never lose
These are the splinters made from a single blade, I'm the matchstick that you'll never lose
I'll light the king that locks you in, I'm the matchstick that you'll never lose
When you wear the burning of all my ferns, I'm the matchstick that you'll never lose


I'm so fucking lost, so far gone.

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Two [23 Sep 2010|02:47am]
Good lord-- I really need to clean up my "interests" list. Although, I have to admit, it's really quite interesting to see where I was at 3-4 years ago musically.  Sad, but interesting nonetheless. 
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One [23 Sep 2010|02:22am]
The mind wanders. I find myself dreaming of waves, their undulation my soundtrack. I have a yearning at the primal level to be overcome by the tide, to let it carry me where it may.

One day, perhaps.
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[04 Feb 2007|01:54am]


Just thought I'd say hello.

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[05 Jun 2006|03:45am]
This is brilliant.
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Yayface! [20 Mar 2006|03:21am]

Well, it's not a completely new one.

It is, however, as the name implies, different.

"Salvation Redux".

Re-recorded, new guitar, -and- bass. Chyes. The bass is a bit low in the mix [like, lower than it should be], but I'm still working on my mixing skills. Please, listen.

And comment.

I don't know if you've heard this, but comments allow little kittens and puppies to live longer lives.

And they stroke my ego.

So, have at it!

PS - I will update soon. Promise. <3
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Open for interpretation. [26 Feb 2006|12:56pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

Back-to-back nights of very odd dreaming. This one had me on a high school basketball team in Washington [the state]. How do I know this? Because, we went to Canada to play an "international" game, and a map was used to demonstrate how we would go about getting there. I was actually a pretty good player. I was all about crossing people up and raining threes down upon them. At one point, I may have said "mouth" to someone trying to defend me. It was classic. The second part of my dream had to deal with this girl I met in a diner. Now, when I met her, I was only wearing a shirt and socks, and apparently my dream decided it wasn't important for me to know why. She was cute. She made a few jokes about my situation, though not about the penis-- can't joke about something quite so epic. Har har. Anyway. I somehow found clothes and we smoked a joint in the bathroom of the diner. Then, she was taken away and I started looking for her. I was watching TV in some motel I was using as the base of my find-the-girl operation when a movie came on starring her and I; it was a replay of everything that happened at the diner, but it showed me how she "disappeared". It seems as though some guy with bad teeth and ugly glasses put her in his truck, license plate # 6H8-7GS.

Then, I woke up. I didn't find the dream girl, but I did beat the Canadians at basketball.

Yeah, I don't get it either.

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Her voice is full of money... [09 Feb 2006|02:16am]
[ mood | quixotic ]

"There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams; not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion."

" 'They're a rotten crowd,' I shouted across the lawn. 'You're worth the whole damn bunch put together.' "

"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy. They smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made..."

"And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsbys wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisys dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but thats no matterto-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . And one fine morning

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Hail, hail, you blessed fool. May we all find that green light.

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And as our hope dissolves... [08 Feb 2006|02:01am]
...we'll twist that knife again.

So, it has been a while since my last entry and, actually, some things have happenened.

-- Got my tax refund [both state and federal]

-- Bought a laptop. I'm pretty much in love. Although, it has taken some getting used to. Now, I'm converting my desktop to something of a studio machine; it'll handle music and music alone.

-- Watched 25th Hour and Road to Perdition several times each. I had forgotten how incredible both of these movies are.

-- Found out my love interest is cheating on her boyfriend/baby daddy with her boss, who also happens to be -my- boss. Yeah. It was sad before; now, it's just pathetic. I have removed myself from the whole situation.

-- I will now be starting school in March. Such a hassle, this whole college thing. The enrollment aspect, at least. I'm sure once the classes actually start, I'll be fine.

-- Received the Genghis Tron EP. Definitely worth the money. Plus, Zach handled my package, and we all know how good that makes one feel. O_o

-- Destroyed my amp. I made the mistake of leaving it in the middle of my room and it paid the price. Actually, several things paid the price. I have learned not to navigate a room devoid of light. Y'see, I somehow managed to get my foot stuck in the hole in the back of the amp. As I was falling, I grabbed for my computer chair. The chair stopped my fall... for half a second. My relief turned to more worry as the chair slid away from me. I went down. Hard. I had an amp stuck to my foot, cigarette butts on my hand/arm [from the flailing after the chair moved], and the door to my computer cabinet was ripped off the hinges. When the chair started to move, it had my momentum behind it: those hinges never stood a chance. Luckily, the door has been fixed, the butts collected. The amp, however, did not fair so well. The sacrifices one makes for music.

So, yeah, it has been an interesting couple of weeks. I'll be getting a raise soon, which is hot. But, we're losing our commission, which is pretty much the anti-hot. Corporate mergers suck. Actually, corporations suck. But, a corporation also pays my bills, so there you go.

It needs to hurry up and be Opening Day for baseball. Yeah, I know: sports. But, most of you people know I'm obsessed with the Red Sox, so this shouldn't be a huge surprise. T minus 53 days until Opening Day, to be exact. Color me excited.

Speaking of countdowns, here are some other key ones:

-- 7 days until Saw II on DVD

-- 22 days until the first Silence, Traitor demo will be complete. It should've been completed already, but, well, I'm a procrastinator. It will be finished.

-- 42 days until Capote on DVD [which is bullshit, because up until a few days ago, every site said this movie was due in February]

-- 48 days until I start college. F'reals, this time. Which means I have 48 days to read as many books as possible.

-- 109 days until the Maryland Deathfest. Necrophagist! Muhammed Suicmez up close and personal. I'll have to try and videotape the licks he'll be playing.

I need to finish cleaning the kitchen. And speaking of kitchens... Rachel Ray is hot. She can cook dinner for me anyday. Chyes.
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YES. [18 Jan 2006|10:39pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Today is easily the best day of the year.

-- I got my W-2 forms and my Federal return is fucking KILLER. It's sick. I'm not sure about State, though. Taxact.com says the model isn't ready yet. Oh well.

-- Someone [presumably Adam] at Crucial Blast Records said this of Silence, Traitor: "Would love to hear more of this. Solid stuff." OMFG. And the only thing I have up there are completely incohesive songs that lack bass, drums, and vocals. So totally picking up my guitar now.

-- Another kiss. A promise of being completely ALONE with her this Saturday. I'm not going any further as I'm not trying to jinx myself.

-- Ammery is facing her destiny or something like that. Okay, so that doesn't directly impact me and my day of glory, but still. Yay for UrbanAmmy.

Side note: Saturday may come to eclipse this date, money and critical musical praise aside.

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Mm. [15 Jan 2006|09:43pm]
[ mood | blah ]


By the way, I came to this decision tonight.

If I have a daughter, her name will be:

Dahlia Jane.

Just felt like sharing.

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Wow. [12 Jan 2006|12:45am]
[ mood | shocked ]

Why did no one tell me that Necrophagist are playing at the Maryland Deathfest?

And just why aren't they headlining?

Wow. There are actually quite a few good bands on here. I just might have to go.

Necrophagist, man. Wow.

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[11 Jan 2006|06:03am]
[ mood | high ]

Absolute favorite solo of all time.


Definitely top three.

Of five.

All I know is that when he hits that last note, I get goosebumps.

It's magic, man.

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